My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
