I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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