Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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