Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
