When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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