just come out here and I will go home with you...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
