You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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