i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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