i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
