but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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