She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
