Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
