she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
