i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Let's paint friendship bongs
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
