question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
