just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
