I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just google imaged poop.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
