i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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