just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
