I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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