yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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