I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
