i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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