I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
