carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
