I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
