That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
