he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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