dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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