Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
