I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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