He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
