how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
