The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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