she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
did i walk over a car last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
