So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
