she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
