First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
