There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
