Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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