Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
