i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
FUCK WHALES
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
