her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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