I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
