After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
