Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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