i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
