pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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