i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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