I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
