3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
