What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
