My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
