A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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