I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
