I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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