dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I still have a little drunk in my system
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
