I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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