I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
