i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
is it fun? or sober?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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