Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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