enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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