Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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