I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
