I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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