So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
