I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
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SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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