Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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