maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
