got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
