you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
