You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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