If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
