So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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